The girl who hasn't felt like herself lately

To the girl who hasn't feel like herself lately,

Have you been there?

If your answer is no you are fortunate however, there is a strong possibility you will encounter this feeling at some point in your life. As an adult I have faced the reality that I did not become exactly what I dreamed of being as a child. Ya know the whole what do you want wanna be in ten years, or the super exciting career days at school where everyone knew exactly what career path to take? Well I guess I won't say never because there may be some people out there that did become those doctors, astronauts, or firefighters they dreamt of, but 9 times out of 10 our ideas & goals have been altered by adulthood. Now if you're still wanting to be a princess and it just hasn’t come true yet, you just hold on!In all reality on those papers we filled out throughout middle school, "What do you want to be when you grow up___________ ?" I would fill in the blank, Orthodontist. Now to recap I literally have not the slightest clue as to why that was my dream job because i’ve never actually been around an orthodontist office besides getting my own braces and I didn’t enjoy that experience.

I am telling you my back story so that you can understand this next part. After I interned on Capitol Hill, I transitioned to the Whitehouse, then BAM a solid 6 months of nothing. Let me repeat that nothing, I was so bummed that the most prestigious internship didn’t help me land a job in my dream city.I was now infatuated with politics and knew that was my passion in life, I actively sought for employment, did a countless and ungodly amount of interviews only to come up short. I was flying back in forth between DC & Florida at least once a month and yet nothing seemed to work. I become very and I mean very depressed, why wasn’t anything working out the way I wanted, why was I not in DC, what was I supposed to do with my life?

This tug of war went on so much I lost sight of myself, my happiness, and became such a negative burden to anyone around me. I was so fed up with trying and coming up short, I decided to let go of my own efforts and give it to God (what I should have done in the beginning by the way) Within a month of this moment, where I stopped trying to force a series of events to occur I landed my job at trump victory in North Florida. This allowed me to directly see voters weekly, get to know a very talented group of co-workers, spend more time with family, and meet my now amazing husband. The Lord knew I needed to be in Florida even if all I saw was disappointment.

Now where am I at today, my current title is wife. This the shortest title I’ve been given, the hardest, and yet the most rewarding. I absolutely love being Seth’s wife and I love our home together but, that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle as an individual. Since I’ve been through the whole weird transitional phase before in my life, knew the outcome, and the issue you would think I could snap my fingers and have it all figured out. Sadly that isn’t the case and I am back in one of those “Who am I, what is my divine purpose, and what am I doing with my life?”

Leaving a job I absolutely loved, was good at, and potentially a stepping stone back to DC to become a wife. A lot of people think that is crazy, naive, and some think it’s brave. My husband and I discuss this regularly because I worry (go figure) but when he met me I had this insane drive, going places, and now the places Im going is from the kitchen to the laundry room. All kidding aside I really do spend a lot of time at home cleaning, cooking, decorating, and working out. There isn’t anything wrong with being a stay at home wife or mom but for me, it’s just different. I am used to this fast paced, little time for rest lifestyle and then I moved to Japan.

It isn’t by choice that I stay at home I want to work, I want to remain relevant, and build myself. Unfortunately options for employment for military spouses (depending on your base & location) are incredibly limited. I have a bachelors degree that is totally useless in Japan and qualify for one position, which I interviewed for, got the job, and I am just waiting on my fingerprint appointment. I was given instructions to make an appointment , and guess how long I’ve been calling to make an appointment? 3 weeks, THREE WEEKS!! I could and should have already been working. Now this isn’t my dream job, has absolutely nothing to do with politics but it does keep me busy. So now you see you are not alone, I am 25 years old and back again wondering where my life is headed. I wouldn’t trade my life with my husband for any political job although I miss my job & my family I am my happiest beside him. I don’t pretend to have the magic answer of how to get yourself out of this rut or how everything will come about in your life, but I can share with you things I’ve done to cope with this phase, and to let you know its’ okay.

One of the greatest things to remember is that everyone isn’t as perfect as they portray themselves to be. Instagram isn't reality and not everyone is that put together 24/7.

Things to try when you don’t know what’s next:

Cry-I live by this, sometimes you just need to cry it out

Communicate to someone-I literally FaceTime my mom almost everyday and express my frustrations and shortcomings knowing she is willing to listen and help

Read your bible-This helps so much more than you'll realize in the moment, but God will speak to you exactly what you need in your most desperate time.

Pray-Express exactly what you are in need of and feeling, remember you are not in this alone

Get out of your own head-Whatever activity/hobby is calming for your mentally health, participate in it. It will aid in this transitional period of your life.

Be persistent-Like I said I'm still chasing my dream job, but choosing to better myself and continue to build my resume in the meantime cant do any harm. I have always said, “You never know who you will run into, and life is all about networking.”